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Beetlejuice for the NES was published by LJN and developed by Rare in 1991 and was based off the movie of the same name.

Plot

Beetlejuice must scare the Deetz family.

Why It Sucks

  1. The music does not fit the source material's tone (Bad music).
  2. Bad graphics.
  3. Just barely resembles the movie (Freeform Fuckery).
  4. If Beetlejuice is high up in the air and the bottom screen shows no ground even if the ground is just barely below the screen, if Beetlejuice falls, he'll die (Bitch Barrier).
  5. The game often changes the rules of gameplay, for instance, jumping on an enemy in the main world will cause Beetlejuice to bounce off and if the player is unlucky, into a cliff (Bouncing Bullshit). But the enemies in the bonus rounds need to be jumped on to receive points and you don't bounce off (Diarrhetic Diversions).
  6. The smaller bugs that grant Beetlejuice some more points need pinpoint stomping to hit them. The points are used to buy power-ups, but you'll never know how much you got until you enter the shop (Pinpoint piss Taking).
  7. The shop sells the power-ups, which are the only way Beetlejuice can attack enemies, so if you face a boss without them, there's no way to win (Rat Trap Crap Shoot).
  8. The Power-Ups only allow you to hit enemies 5 times, so you'll need a ton of points just to progress through the game and defeat enemies (Fruitless Farts).
  9. Cryptic moments such as when you need to destroy a beehive to make a cloud move down.(Cryptic Crap)
  10. Some walls don't have a boundary which can make Beetlejuice move past them and fall to his death (Perpendicular Dick Ploy).
  11. Some objects can hurt/kill Beetlejuice (Inanimate Anal Assasinations).
  12. The controls are slippery.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. AWESOME music.

AVGN's made-up LJN welcome letter featuring the game's flaws

March 1, 1991

LJN Ltd.

Office of Diarrhea and Development

1900 Fucksville Rd

Lewisville, Fucktucky 201096

Dear new employee,

Welcome to our team of Laughing Joking Numbnuts. Here at LJN, we strive in creating the world's leading shitfests and providing to our customers the greatest raping of all their favorite films. We value your addition in helping us continue to grow the black plague of today's generation of gaming.

Enclosed you will find our handbook of policies and procedures in developing games with

  • Bouncing bullshit
  • Perpendicular dick ploys
  • Bitch barriers
  • Inanimate anal assassinations
  • Fruitless farts
  • Diarrhetic diversions
  • Freeform fuckery
  • Pinpoint piss taking
  • Rat trap crap shoot
  • Bad music

We are proud to have you onboard.

Sincerely,

Fred Fucks

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