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FOR ATARI* 2600 AND PARENTS WITH NO BRAIN

Porky's is an Atari 2600 game based on the 1982 teen comedy of the same name.

Plot

Gamers play as Peewee, who has been conned out of money by Porky. Now he's out for revenge.

Gameplay

The game has five acts with the first three being repeatable until the conditions are met. Once these conditions are met, you play the fourth act where you must get to the top of a scaffold and avoid Porky. Once you reach the top, the final act has you blow up Porky's, ending the game.

Why it Sucks

  1. Very bad controls. In the first area, you must build a ladder to reach the top, but to cross the pond and reach the top you need to be unbelievably precise right down to the microsecond. If you do the controls right, Peewee can jump across the pond and hopefully reach the second floor. After that, you need to grab blinking bars to build the ladder.
  2. The second area reaches the locker room from the movie. Players must avoid Miss Balbricker who moves quickly and doesn't need to climb ladders. If she catches you, you'll be heading back to the pond level. To beat this level, players must drop an item found at the top of the level down to the pond area. Then players must then climb back to where the item was and reach the next level.
  3. The third area is similar to Frogger, but on acid, in which Peewee must dodge a speedboat hovering dangerously close to the ground, a blue submarine on wheels, a parade of naked Dr. Suess characters, rabid pigs, dudes, and cars. If he gets hit, it's back to the pond area. 
  4. As stated in gameplay, the first three areas repeat until you get all the required items down to the pond area.
  5. The scaffold area is like an invisible maze that changes each time. While the scaffold area doesn't change itself visually, you need to make very specific jumps to find the spot to reach which is unfairly difficult. If you drop down, you can get grabbed by Porky and it's back to the pond area.
  6. The final area is just Peewee jumping on a detonator.

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